Emily Gould - "The will to blog is a complicated thing, somewhere between inspiration and compulsion. It can feel almost like a biological impulse. You see something, or an idea occurs to you, and you have to share it with the Internet as soon as possible."
It always happens now, that moment with a man where he looks at me or turns his face away, and I hear something along the lines of, "Please don't write about this, ok." At first it was amusing, the insinuation that I was obviously going to go share this story, or that one. And it holds a number of wishes behind it. The man who really does want you to be writing about him, the man who really does not want you to. Or when and why these differences occur. An ex was almost obsessive reading and re-reading a post I wrote about loving him, but on break up day it was, "Look, why are you sharing this with everyone!" So, clearly I could only share my love and not my pain in regards to him. Where is the line drawn between flattery, caricature, entertainment, and truth.
Do I have permission to write only good things I feel or see about someone, and none of the other stuff?
I really try to be mindful about what I feel it is my right to share and what I feel is appropriate in regards to others beings and respect for them. For all the stories I do tell, thousands are not let out to share in the blogopolis (while they are shared on a more immediate and intimate level with my girlfriends.)
The man who came over "just to talk" and then tried to dry-hump my arm. The boyfriend who had constant flatulence. The man who suddenly asked me to sit on my face (we are still friends btw.) These stories have great entertainment value, but they also have more than that. A great prophet once said "There are 3 truths. There is your truth, there is my truth, and there is the truth." I really feel that these stories, the ones that I write and the ones which I perform, are really trying to seek out just what in the hell the truth is about it all. Do I tell a story to name and emberass? Never (at least, honestly, not in public.) Or do I try and take akward sound, embraces, and experiences and try to find their essence? I try to.
This is a common dilemna for not just bloggers who share the intimate details of thier lives, but for all artists. I mean, for centuries art has been composed based on the experiences one has been through. A cheating lover, a rondevuos with a prostitute, the man with the little dick. So is the issue one of format? Can I write a play based on my relationship of 4 years, but then I cannot write a day to day reflection of said realationship?
Another blogger I know suggested that it also may be easier for a man to disconnect when he is a subject of your blogging. He is open for public view as "Mr. Hung" or "Mr. Ex-I-Can't-Stop-Fucking." It is easier for him to pull out of a relationship while you are busy sharing aspects of it. But it makes me ask, whether or not is put online, no matter what the both of you are still sharing things about one another with your friends, your family, your therapist...So, is it different because the realm of sharing extends beyond that? Because of the seemingly permanent nature of the internet and what we put out there ( as if cutting and deleting and blocking didn't really exist as well)
What I am asking is aren't most people self concious of how they are portrayed or viewed, whether or not it is only reserved for casual and best friends versus a realm of artistic or analyitical expression?
So, how does a write bridge the divide between sharing and respect for those who do not choose to live their lives in the public realm?
As a writer, could I take what I dish? What are the lines between privacy issues and permission , and has the internet totally made them invisiible? I could have a one night stand with a man, who never knew I wrote, and had some crazy wild elevator sex, blogged all about it, and he would never know. Is that ethical? Is it any different from taking the "ManIamcurrentlydating" and making him annonymous and telling some funny sad story about how he is a novice at fourplay or something? The difference is only that he would know too.
-namely, they have to give permission and can complain if theyre shown in a bad light - unless theyre a public figure who is up for ridicule (thats why the paparazzi get away with publishing compromising photos)
those are usually the rules for publci performance so you could talk about how that goes out the door when it comes to blogsaltho there are a bunch of new propositions under the digital copyright act that is challenging that
-blogging vs public diary
-journal vs. journalism
- deleting photos you dont like of yrself
are you reporting the facts with credible sources on a blog or is one re-interpreting one's life for artistic gain?cuz the copyright lawa and laws of privacy differ for the two
-well, first off, mainstream news sources no longer rely on "credible" sources, and secondly it gets muddy when dealing with issues of opninions - "he tried to fuck me vs. she was begging for its..."
- anonymous wrting - does someone have the right
- you like it only when you are being flattered, but is it not permissible once you are shown in a different light?
its like all great art bridges that isolation (opening the universal) while most art is just suffering
In regards to blogging, and i will just specifically also speak in regards to when you and i were in a relationship, do you feel that i should have ever or always asked permission whenever writing something that you were part of, whether or not it was anonymous, and wether or not it was just about my feelings or so on and not necassarily about you or your character?
why are you asking me this?
and to answer your question, you never need my permission to write anything. it's a free country. if i can't handle it, it's my problem.
because i am working on an article on the subject, and b/c you were the last person i was in a relationship with who i also wrote about online.
cool
and actually, not true. there are many legalities in regards to writing about people who are not in the public eyes (ie celebrities, politician, etc)
So, in your opinion, i can write anything about you, make it public, and that would be cool? i wouldn't need your permission?
cool? i guess it depends on what you'd write. but you don't need anybody's permission to write about them as far as i know.
so, then , what would - depends on what you write - contain? would it be anything that wasnt flattering, or possibly embarassing, or mean even? would that be totally based on yr reaction then, and not any any tangible limits about what is kosher and what isnt?
well
i dunno. i was really excited when you wrote stuff that was nice about me, and then i was indifferent when you wrote the opposite
so what was it about the nice stuff that made you excited? that it was this public thing? or that I thought that in the first place? and on the flip side, i dont think i ever wrote "not nice" things about you. i mean, you kinda broke up with me like a highschooler in my opinion.
2:00 PM
the stuff you wrote made me happy
and the public thing on the other end was when i wasn't into it
Direct Instant Message session ended
2:05 PM
Reconnecting to areaben…
sorry, that was worded strangely .
so, you were happy with nice things i wrote about you, and then you were indifferent about it when you weren't into me anymore?
or you werent into the public thing?
both
doesnt being "not into" present something a little different than "indifferent?"
2:10 PM
um ok
no, it was a question
i don't know
do you think i was truthful in regards to the public representation i made of you?
i don't really remember what you said
is there anything you would in the future like me to never mention on my blog or in my work at large? or is it all free game?
i don't really care. you can say whatever you want.
(*totes not much for thought or intorspection. then again, this is the guy who toldd me that his convos with men about girls are only about 2 thing.s 1: the blowjobs 2. the grooming of her pubic area. i should not have expected much more than i dont know and its a free cpountry shit)lots of "i don'ts" remebering or caring
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