To all my friends and family who were part of the 2 million lay-offs this year....

Here's to 09. It's about fucking time.

Dear Santa....

So, its been a couple of decades and I've never gotten the chance to meet you. Or, to sit on your lap. Or, to rip apart presents on a cold December morning that you delivered with your little reindeer and foreign labor elfin without any overtime all night long.

Is this because I'm Jewish?

I have a deal to make with you. I will not call the BBB. I will not file a complaint with the city. I will not take you to court. I will not do any of these things, as long as you can maybe make a couple of things happen for me in return.

I may even sit on your lap afterwards too...You dirty ol' perv.

All I want for ChannukwanChristmasoltices is -


1. A rug that ties my room together.

2. A love that ties my heart together.

3. A poem that ties my thoughts and soul together.

Do I need to send this certified???

xoxoxo-
holly

to all you lovely musicians out there...

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we all just need a little magic

...a rerun of Dallas and a pint of ice cream?...

The Art of Meeting Men



All my single ladies: Seriously. This works. Why just last night I went to the local watering hole with my Virginia is For Lovers t-shirt, held my stuffed bunny rabbit close to my heart, and spilled my Mai Tai and Long Island Ice Tea on every man in the place. They swallowed up my, "I can't believe that Andre Ethier's average is only .305. I mean, he's just so....tall!" (SECRET: And this is where I would spill the drink so as to change the subject and avoid follow-up!)

I also discovered that the whisper is the most powerful tool I've never used before (which is probably why I've been single till now...well, that and all those Dallas reruns!) I did it so well that one man even said to me, "Wow, I'd like to take you home with me. A hot mute is nothing but marriage material!" Touchdown!!! Er, I mean - HOME-RUN!

So ladies, take note. As my best friend told me, "Just cause you didn't meet him online doesn't mean he doesn't want to make out with you."

SATURDAY - DECEMBER 13

When you smoke crack for breakfast....

Then you start to say shit like this....

"We are building a lifestyle brand that represents timeless glamour." Brubaker - (publicist for Lindsey Lohans 6126 legging line.)

When I see $132 leggings called "Mr. President" with knee pads on them...Yeah, I think of glamour too...Perfect for all the situations a young girl could get herself into; puking at the toilet, giving bj's,...That's it mostly. Puking and bj's.

blogging while bleeding

It's incredible how the productivity kicked the hell in the minute the ibuprofen did today. Too bad it took until late afternoon for that to start though. I'm not sure what is more of a time sucker for me lately; my period, or watching How I Met Your Mother on Surf the Channel. I am such a sucker for Neil Patrick Harris.

love don't come easy

You don't say...

the time for come has changed...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

The Enabler: Turning a Yeltsin into a Pinochet...

Lawrence Summers scares the shit out of me.

Well, let me clarify. The fact that Obama chose to put him on the Economic Advisory board scares the shit out of me. While any semblance of "leftist" media will criticize the choice as being poor in light of his views of women as having lesser innate abilities than men, they will be missing the point. While leftist activists are busy divvying up themselves into the appropriate environmentalist, feminist, or affirmative action boxes from which to criticize Summer's from, he will be busy with his slight of hand free market rah-rah regressive tricks that are nothing short of a grand FAILURE. His past actions have been directly responsible for creating repressive and fascist regimes (of both an economic nature and political) abroad, and here we are sending emails around about how he thinks the ladies are stupid.

Obama - I know you are from Chicago. We all do. Yeah, we get it already. It's one thing to hire your boys, and it's an entirely other thing to hire the Chicago Boys from Milton Friedman's lineage. These things always lead to two places: torture, or complete economic shock. Oh- but a few people always manage to get rich from it. Bastard people.

"The theories of Milton Freidman gave him the Nobel Prize; they gave Chile General Pinochet."

Undeterred, Pinochet's economic team went into more experimental territory, introducing Freidman's most vanguard policies; the public school system was replaced by vouchers and charter schools, health care became pay-as-you-go, and kindergartens and cemeteries were privatized. Most radical of all, they privatized Chile's social security system. Jose Pinera, who brought in the program, said he got the idea from reading Capitalism and Freedom. George W. Bush's administration is usually credited with pioneering "the ownership society," but in fact it was Pinochet's government, thirty years earlier, that first introduced "a nation of owners." - The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein

fearless

Fears - such as fear of snakes, heights, and closed spaces - are not biologically specific to gender, but some do tend to be more prevalent among women that men, including anuptaphobia; fear of staying single; arrhenphobia; fear of men; atelophobia; fear of imperfection; atychiphobia; fear of failure; cacophobia; fear of ugliness; eremophobia; fear of lonliness; gerascophobia; fear of growing old; glossophobia; fear of public speaking; katagelophobia; fear of ridicule; monophobia; fear of being alone; rhytiphobia; fear of getting wrinkles.

- On Becoming Fearless - Arianna Huffington

I haven't posted in a bit, and I haven't posted anything too personal in quite some time... Some emails I have received, some conversations, and some other shit that has occurred in my personal life had left me with such a desire to self-censure at this point, that I was thinking "why bother?" Might as well start a new blog and make it completely anonymous.

But there is some part of me that just wants to scream out " Fuck that shit." What am I living in fear of? Sharing? Why do that when there are clearly so many other really fabulous choices for women to be living with a fear of. I myself have never experienced rhytiphobia, but doesn't it just sound fascinating? I wonder if any of the men I know have that...

I am not scared of snakes, in fact I wore one once for Halloween. I was Medusa. It was pretty hot. I did scare most of the women I came into contact with that evening however.

I overcame any fear of heights I had this summer, when I went cliff-jumping and zip-lining and learned to just. let. go.

I am not specifically scared of closed spaces. When I was a kid I used to put on my tap shoes and go hide in my closet and dance in the small dark space on top of a wooden box I had in there. But then again, I wouldn't wish to find myself trapped in a coffin or in an elevator for example.

I do have a number of fears that I am trying to confront and dance with. I don't want to be fighting myself, creating doubts and whatnot in my attempts to sabotage my own happiness and self-realization.

I find it very easy to love many people, to see them for who they are and to not just look at that which could easily be described as ones "imperfections." Yet, I struggle to apply this to myself. I struggle to be easy on myself. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the negative world of - I am not enoughs...- When the simple truth of the matter, is that I am. That we all are. When we talk poorly about ourselves, about others, what does that do other than frame our reality of our existence? I don't want to live in fear. I want to live from happiness and joy.

Sometimes I get so sad and lonely and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this with. I feel like I am supposed to always be "strong"...

Isn't it just as important to share these things though? Surely I am not alone on this, and isn't sharing the one thing that connects us. That connects us all?

I don't want to live in fear. I want to ask for the job I deserve to get. I want to get the proper compensation for the work I do. I want to be loved and to love in return in a degree which is fitting for each of my relationships. I want to not be scared to tell someone how I feel. I want to have a family of my own, and not be terrified that it won't happen for me because somehow I don't deserve that. I don't want my fears to come in the way of me realizing my full potential. I don't want to see my fears turn into anger, or judgement, or negativity.

I want to live fearlessly.

Patti Smith: Still the Queen Bee

Awesomeness

Tonight I saw Ghastly City Sleep at Curio and they are fucking great! Tomorrow night they are playing at Mountain Bar so grab a friend and go check it.

Bromance

In case you need more fuel for all the liberal joy-crying, laughing, and sexin' that's been going on since Tuesday night...

Check it baby. Damn it feels good to be a winner!

TGIF

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Om Namah Shivaaya

This morning at the top of my yoga class while we are all in downward dog.

My yoga teacher:

"So, I am working on a proposition for the next election. It's going to be called Prop M, for Moron. And it's going to propose that we take away the right to vote from all the right-wing religious fanatics, so if they want, they can just move back to Utah and fuck up their own state and leave ours to evolve.

It's just so completely beyond offensive to take away a persons right..."

Here's to Prop M kiddos. Spread the Love.

Si Se Puede

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our Founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."
-President-Elect Barack Obama, Nov. 4, 2008

Yes We Can

procrast-in-nation

I've been in Vegas for the past week. I had been feeling so incredibly anti-social and mildly depressed (to say the least) for the past couple of weeks in Los Angeles, that I had to go home and get my bearings. Plus, I wanted to volunteer for the Obama campaign in my home swing state. It's been great here; really friendly people and hardly any McCain signs in the city. Like his supporters have taken underground or something...

I am slowly packing up - Procrastinating between my computer and the television (it's just that I don't have one myself!) I remember the first time I left home when I moved to New Mexico. I was so scared to leave...Ha! But then I never came back.

My mother has an incredible sense of humor. The first year that I had left the nest, she ended up getting a fucking air hockey table, ping pong table, pool table, some old video arcade games, a basketball shooting hoops things, crazy dart games, and basically a bunch of shit I really would have loved if she had gotten those things when I actually lived at home. All those hours I spent stoned in high school; I would have made that air hockey table worship me...

The family cats have been scaring the shit out of my dog all week. She's such a pussy. They just look in her general direction and she runs away. She follows me like 5 inches away from my feet everywhere in this house. So I can protect her from the mean mean kitties...

I am looking forward to the drive tonight. The long silences. The stars of the desert. The time to reflect. To move forward. The vast.

I often wonder if I am on the right path, the path with heart. Every few months I think I should go to law school, and then I'm like, nah- that's silly. I just wanna make art. But...there is still this void.

I am not sure what it is.

A mentor I had when I first moved to LA asked me what I kept moving for. What was I running from?

Was I running from, or had I been running everywhere to?

I can't seem to focus on anything but the election. I have made such an emotional investment in this...As have many.

When the announcement is made, it is just a new beginning. Not the end. I want to find ways that utilize my strengths to continue to do things to make small changes in my immediate world. Make the world a better place.

I met this guy last night; an architect who lives in LA. He was tall and gorgeous and very funny. We talked and flirted all night and then a mutual friend told me he had a very serious girlfriend. What?

Well...That's nothing new. I always meet these seemingly awesome guys to find out after they've been flirting all over me, that they have a girlfriend. Is this some new trend, or do I seem like the type that would hook up with a guy anyways? Because I wouldn't. And it makes me lose respect for them too - I wouldn't want a boyfriend who was out being coy with other girls...

I Want To Fly Into Your Airspase!!!

Hollywood Takes On Those Dirty Un-American Liberals...

Obama Childhood Halloween Pirate Pic!

where i'm from

I am often writing new pieces or altering older ones about my hometown. This is a new rough draft. It has no mention in it about watching strippers smoke cigarettes from their vagina's. That being said, I am sick today and am going to go vomit some more stomach bile now. Cheers~!

----------------------------


i come from the land of silver sin and skin
and suburban sprawl
which bleeds onto the desert skyline
faster than the big horn sheep have disappeared
and the remaining burros who honk and scream
that they never asked to be our beasts of burden
and where did all the pi yut go?
did they fall into
all those mining pockets we have long since covered up
after we scraped every last mineral deposit from them?
their lonely ghosts merely wander the Mojave
looking for those long lost snowy ranges...

i come from a land enclosed on one side by the reddest rock mountains ever seen
a dried up oasis only remembered now in the seeds of the Joshua tree
and on the other, the hoover dam
brainchild of herbert
his concrete art deco tribute to the black canyon of the colorado river's rushing past
waters being diverted over the 112 corpses of the men
Who worked there/who died there/
the 112 who made the official list
unlike the hundreds more who just died of
- unrelated pneumonia -
if you take the word of those who signed the paychecks
the same 6 companies inc. who sent in strike breakers with
their bats and their clubs and their guns
into the shanty ragtowns where the all the men were striking from that great depressions
dam
working conditions and you know,

you can put off a strike pretty fast when you are smashing fathers heads into the ground.

These waters which have been receding year after year
Are herded in
To fuel a city
Which otherwise would not exist.

i come from a land that means the meadows,
where the only grass one can find is as artificially planted as most native women's breasts
landscaping maintained until the day came where the price for watering
was just to high to avoid the inevitability of zerascaping
much to the aesthetic disappointment of an entire city composed of relocated people
who yearned for the lush greenery of the east, or the tropical bravado of the west
but desired the tax cuts, the cheap housing and the access to 24 hour all you can eat buffets, nonetheless.

I come from a place which began as a nondespript pause on transcontinental railway/ which bloomed from organized crime/joint venture capitalism between the mafia and the mormans/
a fitting nod to our country/
the rest stopping point to California/
the Mississippi of the West/
where miss Joshepine Baker played unknowingly at first to an all white audience refusing to play to another segregated house, so the hotel grabbed two black men off the street, threw tux on them and sent her black ass back on
she never came back to our fair city and i am sure that them draining the pool after she had swam in it really didn't help the city's case very much as did forcing the entire black population into the west side shanty towns cuz - you may be good enough to get on our stages but you better not get caught on our streets - which have since been replaced with run down public housing in northlas vegas where the only businesses you can see are the liquor stores and check cashing huts and that burning egg smell, well that's the unkempt city sewers because who gives a fuck -
its not like tourists are going to head over this way.

i come from a city that is more experienced than madonna in the art form of reinvention
constantly transforming itself from one plastic invention to another imploding its perceived flaws cuz who would even bother with a chisel
and just like our virgin savior has no shame for being 100 years old and still trotting around in those short shorts bikini tops with leathered sunbaked skin,
cuz its milkshakes are still bringing those drunk boys into the yard
and even when our water supply that we have taken from other states runs out, we'll still be running here- running on the dreams of becoming rich and powerful and skinny and tan. the dreams of fame and superstardom the dreams attached in the credits of your home sex tape which hundreds of girls attempt to become the next kim kardashioan and paris hilton without the slightest ironic recognition that well, minus the trust fund, they already fucking are

the same dreams that lead kindergarten teachers to become valet parkers
that lead devout fathers to become gambling addicts
the same dreams that lead college girls to drop out and become bunnys at the new playboy club
the same dreams that led almost every dance major at my performing arts high school to pay for some abstract future by wrapping their legs as tight around those poles as their coke addictions strangled their hopes until that day came where they found themselves pregnant dropouts old at 25 who could only now get the lunch shifts at the clubs where the guys barely noticed them as they wolf down their 5$ clam and steak all you can eat specials while the girls gyrate around the fear that today's tips wont cover the cost of child care
the sames dreams that lead the most popular girl in junior high to inviting a special group over for a bulimic pizza party cuz her parents, well they, had four bathrooms in their house and try explaining the sense of that dream to an economist
because through the mathematical holes falls out
the bulimics the addicts the lovers and the dreamers.

I come from the brightest city on earth, a city that rages against its own mortality
by throwing all the lights in the sky and screaming out at the heavens, looks what i can create -
who's god now bitch!!!
and what's more american than that?

a direct counterpoint to the liberal feminist agenda for america

So, I didn't drink at all this week and last night a girlfriend came over with a bottle of wine, which we drank. And then another girlfriend gave me a shot of whiskey. And then we went to the bar. And then I realized as I moved my car this am, that someone else had driven it back here.
My decision making process is about as great as McCains. Let me be specific, my decisions involving alcohol when I have been drinking are about as great as McCain's. My hypothesis is that old Jonny Boy is not just old and senile - but maybe he's fucking drunk. He's a drunk old squirrel looking to tap Palin's ass once Cindy is sleeping with her pill bottles and he's so drunk that he really believes that she (and him) are the best things to happen to America. I say a lot of silly stupid shit I really don't mean when I am drunk too.

Lucky for me though, I generally say said stupid shit around people who I know and love and not on FOX news for the entire country to replay at work all day long.

I wrote the Book Of Awesomeness - and then I f***ing burned it!

Going out with the girls tonight to stir up some fucking trouble. It's on...

a moment of greatness

i can haz him plz???

it's midnight!

T.G.I.F. YO!

See if you can even handle all this cuteness.

I feel so much better now.

sweet dreams lovelies xoxox

i wanna hold your hand

I am going to post some ridiculously cute and adorable thing every day till Nov 4th - because if I don't I am liable to keep losing it and let me tell you, I just can't keep blocking everyone I know on facebook.

"Calm the fuck down Pitta, it's just a national election, and like, not even for a reality show!"

I was so fired up today I didn't even go to yoga because I didn't want to have to share that crazy energy with a room full of unsuspecting yogis whose motto by and large is "don't talk politics." (the exception being Adam's classes at the Hollywood Y - he is the most incredible yoga teacher. ever!)



Isn't this freaking adorable? I want an otter to hold hands with...

Actually that's not true. I'd really rather have someone amazing to cuddle with and make love to. But, I guess tonight, I'll just have to watch the otters again...

just thought i'd share

my friend rawn is no nancy!

spankin' ivory

Who gives a shit. They're just women after all!

what is going on here?

McCainiacs!!!

Wake up "Jews for McCain" - haven't you heard? - this here Amerikka is a Christian nation!

allow me to introduce you to Batshit & Crazy

Meet Gayle Quinnel. This is what the McCain base looks like.



And this is what a maverick looks like.

Character folks.


He hates women. Check. Knew that one already. Thanks man - but I really enjoyed "So next time you female voters catch a glimpse of McNasty gawking at his running mate's ass, please remember: it's not just her he wants to fuck. It's you." Sums it up about right.

And that guy who made up this "Obama is a Muslim thing" and apparently sent out some emails to your racist granny in Florida (WTF???,) well he kinda wants to exterminate the Jews because we control the fucking world. Obvs.

Obama now has a 95.8% win, and all these ignorant people running around screaming Kill Him! yelling out "Terrorist" and being one rope string away from an active lynch mob -

they will Fail.


Fail just like an old man who never in his life was anything more than just a spoiled rich kid who suffered the affliction of deep mediocrity but was blessed with the capability to drink and cheat and fuck all the way through that horrid horrible pain. Just like another schmuck we know.

"liar, liar, skirt suit on fire..."

Such an exciting New Year already...

Watch and enjoy.

Just getting hosed? The last time I was getting hosed like that was during an audition for an adult fetish film.

ahem. j/k mom.

Thanks for clearing that up!

Because all this time and I wasn't sure.

Grand Old Panic

Wow, way to go David Frum. A perfect example of how an Ivy League education can ruin an otherwise perfectly adorable Canadian Jew...

I do think he realizes how lame his argument is. It's becoming clear it's just "take one for the team" till 2012 at this point.

to the bartender who gives me free drinks...

Guess what? I didn't need them. In fact, I will be doing away with all drinking (again) and attempting to see how long I can do this for (although it's perfectly understandable that I may start up on Nov. 4th.) I got a late start yesterday and had yoga at 5 so come my time at the bar last night - still hadn't eaten. Which probably explained why I decided to park in the vicinity of Trader Joe's last night, walking 20 minutes in the late evening to my house. Wearing heels. I can't remember what I was thinking - perhaps, "hmmmm. Maybe I shouldn't be driving. In fact, why don't I just park here. Looks nice enough. Hey there's a tree - pretty..." Today has been a complete headache and I have to go and act now for the next three hours, when what I really want to do is take off my heels and dress and put on something cozy and watch Who framed Roger Rabbit while cuddling with my dog. Whatever, I got some aspirin from a neighbor so, maybe things are looking up.

let's talk about sex baby

Found this to be pretty interesting. I myself have chosen recently to abstain from sex until I find someone who I believe it would be meaningful with, but I guess when it comes down to it, the gym membership, the yoga classes, the wine, the dinners, and the grooming still adds up even if you are just kissing around.

How much does your sex life cost? And more importantly, can you write off getting off for the next tax year?

it's witchcraft...

girl on girl crime

Girl on girl crime is taught long before the official schooling ever begins
Before the days of figuring out what to shave what to expose and the anxiety
Wrapped up in wearing a pad for your first time in junior high cuz it’s not just the boys with fluctuating enunciations and transformative vocalizations with something to hide anymore underneath sweaters tied tight around tiny waists
With unleashed dreams longing for realization under some second hand jeans from The Gap where you learn the truth that you / by your essence / have something / you are / something to hide/ and if people are going to start telling the truth around here –then I’m going to bed...

You learn that shit when you are learning how to walk and so you attempt a round about of the living room coffee table chasing after the crayons or the doll or the piece of paper
You don’t really remember what “it” was anymore but you remember how your older sister kept moving it further and further away laughing at your feeble attempts to achieve / to realize /

Or how she would lock you out of the house when your parents were gone
Because the huge tree with gnarled roots looked to you in your wild imagination
(Which you never really ever left the world of) looked like a flock of ferrets and foxes to come chasing you down to attack you like the attacks of Freddy Cruger chasing you in blood stained dreams and tear soaked sheets because she made you stay up and watch that scary fucking movie that terrified you of a fucking color and you couldn’t wear red for years afterwards…

And you are still living in your fantasy world, because its always felt much more fabulous to you than the one you got going on when you are not daydreaming - which truth be told, is still kinda where its at!

But it was all good, so cool, b’seder, sababa because you knew deep down where it was headed and where it was all going past elementary school and to the fields of junior high
With your three way besty friendships which always left one on the outs
And so your mom told you that being a friend meant being there for someone always, despite anything they did that you might disagree with / despite anything that they are which you might try hard to judge. Cuz that’s what a fucking friend is - but maybe some of your girlfriends never had a mom as great as yours

So you stand by it to high school and through some friends all trying to fuck your boyfriend meanwhile telling yourself that you would never do that to another woman.
Because it is within the days of our lives and the process of our actions where our values are framed created and pursued.

And you see that these insecurities never came from the boys but from your closest friends deception from the girl sharing the broken heart best friends forever necklace that you bought together at the mall on your allowance vowing to be there until you are little old ladies, but that shit never made it past your senior year…

Did you see what she was wearing that slut that prude than scank has aids that bitch
That whore that girl is so crazy did you hear what she did last night???

Who needs men to oppress us when we do it so much better
All slow and smooth and pretty like - like cherry chapstick pretty

And with a wink

Always with a wink

and with a wink you go to that boys house party and without a trace of irony (cuz we haven’t quite made it to the here and now in my timeline yet) you sit around drink and before you start hooking up you hear a bit of

So how the fuck am I supposed to pay this ho
Just a ladies ho
I know the pussy's mine so I'm gonna fuck it a couple times
And then I'm through with it--there's nothing else to do with it
Pass it to the homie--now you hit it
Cause she ain't nothing but a bitch to me
And ya'll know the bitches ain't shit to me
I gives a fuck; why don't you pay attention
Approach her with a different proposition
I'm Corrupt, ho, you'll never be my only one
Trick-ass biyatch

Some kisses are better left in the world of fantasy
Some dreams were lost somewhere in the back of a pick up being finger fucked and filling the night air with the short shallow breathing making the night luminescent for only a moment hands pressed against the swollen window pain scraping off the tracts of the evenings pursuant sauna

And that pedestal you never wanted to be on but you always found some other queen to place upon it
Well it just turned out that
Eve enseler just wanted you to carry her suitcase
and jane fonda asked you about your vagina
and sally field told you she liked you she really liked you
and gloria steinem talked about how great the married life was
and camille paglia called you a cunt, and you liked it
and dael orlandersmith is just a Pulitzer prize finalist wino who likes to talk some major shit, but god damn you love her still
still singing the blues for jimmy that never died from her childhood that still seep with her all these later years in the dry evenings from a wine bar in los feliz where she drunkenly cries out for a new york that died years before the planes ever hit
singing songs of bo jangels
of poets and angels
Wishing that we danced
All night till the sun rose
Sparkling like a glass of champagne
On the Champs-Elysees
And you’re still waiting for someone to try a little tenderness
And you remember the night you held out your hands to be helped from the icy street you’d
Fallen down on, dressed up, dolled up
To have your glove taken in his hand, still waiting for that dare to be great situation
But it’s been years since
And Lloyd Dobler got on that plane with someone other than you

The virgins all lined up at the red gates and one by one they spoke out
And this little princess was raped
And this little princess was hit
And this little princes had her heart broken
And this little princess had her nose broken
And this one got her boobs as the other got a new nose and the other
Got new manolo blanicks or fill in the blank with some other hip expensive shoe
It’s been a real long time since I watched sex and the city
And my references are as dull as their airbrushed kitschy sexual jokes
And I have to stop giving so many blow jobs out on the the way to the parking lot these days cus I just don't need so many friends anymore

And you just give me a wink

I asked for equality and you gave me a wink
I asked for humanity and you gave me a dead moose skin
I asked for liberty and you offered me a used cigar
I asked for my rights and you gave an 800 billion dollar bill
I asked for respect and you gave me a beauty pageant
I asked for intelligence and offered me a lifeline
I asked for a friend and you charged me for my rape kit like I haven’t been paying that bill off for the past 13 years
I asked for a lover and you gave me an unwanted child an unwanted Romeo and Juliet wedding
I asked for a woman and you gave me a man.

I asked you to answer the goddamned question - and you called me a sexist.

So, yeah, I think I know a little something about what girl on girl crime is, my friend. ….

The Obama's = Pure. 100%. Class Act.

parkin' lot fun (i left the g out for sarah...again)

Yom Tov

pallin' around...

lyin' cheatin' stealin'

Wink. Wink. Wink.

Low Expectations...

And see Alec Baldwin do a nice Palin impersonation.

And the witchdoctor...

feminism and hellfire...

Madeleine Albright's actual quote is "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."

But I am glad to see that Miss Blinky is still using threats of damnation and slavery as a pro for voting for the Palin/McCain ticket. My unborn baby is crying inside of me right now.

Counting down the days....

someone knew about my maverick drinking game...

layin' low

I am going underground for a while. I am feeling a little quiet. I am writing in my head private tales and wishes and poems and dreams. I am smiling. I am digging the voices in the silence. I am petting my dog. I am walking the block. I am trying to get out from underneath my blanket statements. I am veering away from always and am heading towards...listening. I need space to get a reign on the commentary. I am going underground for a while. Be back soon.

Sometimes I'm right then I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my songs
A butcher, a banker, a drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people

There is a blue one who can't accept
The green one for living with
a black ones tryin' to be a skinny one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
We gotta live together

I am no better and neither are you
We're all the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me
You know me and then
Still can't figure out the bag I'm in
I am everyday people

There is a new man
That doesn't like the short man
For being such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
We got to live together

There is a yellow one that won't
Accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one

Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and
Scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
I am everyday people

following the fate of the bison...

"...special interest groups circumventing the will of the people..."

"Palin has also drawn heat from conservationists for pushing to let citizens shoot wolves from the air, and for supporting looser bear-hunting rules aimed at reducing bear populations in order to inflate numbers of moose and caribou, which draw big-game hunters to the state. She opposed a ballot initiative to change the law so that only Department of Fish and Game personnel could shoot wolves or bears from the air. She drew even more criticism for using $400,000 of taxpayer money to "educate Alaskans" about "predator control." The ballot initiative was voted down last week".

via Gristmill

dap'n

Stewart: I was convinced an Obama/McCain campaign would be measurably different on almost all standards. And to watch it become Bush/Kerry, Bush/Gore has been one of the most dissatisfying experiences.
Colbert: That means it's not an Obama/McCain campaign. It's a Guys Who Work for Bush/Guys Who Work For Kerry campaign. Both sides have people who are just smart enough to know "We need to tweak this dial right here," so of course voters are divided 50/50 between the parties.

Check it

yep...it's going to be a few more entertaining weeks...

She really nails it on the bailout question. Enjoy...

...this is what a bimbo looks like...

I take back every objection I had earlier to this use of bimbo.
She is a bimbo.
Fuck it.

Oy-Bama; or Jews GObama!!!

Monday is the start of the Jewish new year, or Rosh Hashona.


So, allow me to get a little Jew-tastic up on this shit.

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.


Thanks to the other Sarah. But really - let's review. Jews are majority Democratic. Historically.
See Israeli's for Obama!!!



Yep... who doesn't enjoy a hawt JAP with a cigar...
AIPAC has given Obama a perfect score with reference to his record on Israel.
A Muslim? He's not. And, if he was, it ought not be relevant. Wanna fight on that one? Bring it!

Smart Jews are down....

Just ask your rebbe...

And this lady thinks you killed Jesus. BTW. C'mon...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

sweet dreams

My Goldfish is a Maverick.

Again - My Understanding is...

"He's also known as 'The Maverick' tho!" - Check out Katie with those hardballs.


Bush speaks. We stopped listening...um...fuck, I guess we never really did in the first place.


McCain is scuuured.

He is going to postpone the campaign every week until the election so that no one else can interview Palin again. Ever actually. Except for dead zombies or children under the age of 3. Maybe Trig will give the next interview. Oh- hey! My friends who vote Republican for economic reasons "(do I have any?) This little stunt is going to cost 5 million dollars to the state of Mississippi. Oh, but that's nothing compared to our governments move to giving fat CEO's one trillion dollars in this bulllshit socialist ploy (and yet...we have no national healthcare...)

An old man talks of a day when people will no longer be able to buy homes.
Hello, yeah, been there for some fucking time now... He sure cared about that when the Mortgage Crisis started months ago! And since when did legislation start getting made on the weekends? Oh wait - IT. DOESN'T! It's ok McCancel. While you are busy getting your balls licked by your running mate (assumption here on my part - but why else can't she speak to reporters?) these folks will gladly take your spots for all the upcoming (to be canceled - BOMB IRAN NOW- Then we can postpone the Election too!!!) debates.

The entire damn Couric interview if you can actually still stomach this shit...
Part 1.

Part 2.

And what McCrazy ditched Letterman for

"I'm the underdog....I'm the underdog!" blah blah blah - Yeah, running against the black man for the Presidency of the United States of Racism...yeah, you are the underdog. Oh- were we speaking on intellectual terms and not political ones? Cuz, yeah, then you are. BTW, your lobbyists running your campaign - they SUCK. Go call your wife a cunt again McNasty. You. Are. Finished.

so much easier to get dirty....

Target Women Gets Clean...

Saw Sarah at the The Red Lion this past week. Swoon.

a video tribute to this past week...

O'Reilly Is A Hack.

Wall Street Eats It.

Day Jobs Blow.

You Can't Always Get What You Want.

But We'll Make It Through. We'll Find Happiness...

My fave Blond Jock Villain...

And Now I Leave To Go Watch Some Much Needed Inspiration...

Maybe That's What He Needs Too...

the most important decision you will make all year. yes, even more important than voting in the national elections...

Some of my past Halloween costumes have been:

Lydia...

Medusa...(had a real snake with this one...perhaps if one of my friends could instruct me on how to scan a photo I could show you? eh?)

Medea...cuz I heart babies

Pin-Up Sailor

I couldn't pic just one - I mean, drunken sailor girl who forgot her pants...or drunken sailor girl who...

Cruella...dressed up the dog as a dalmation that year...hehehe

Some thoughts for this year...

I can't find a single picture or vid clip of the Secretary from Beetlejuice anywhere online...

Barbara: Adam, is this what happens when you die?
Receptionist: This is what happens when you die, that is what happens when he dies, and that is what happens when they die. It's all very personal. And I'll tell you something; if I knew then what I know now,
[shows her slit wrists]
Receptionist: I wouldn't have had my little accident.

Here's a little clip of the movie tho just so we can get in the mood here...

In fact - I can't stop myself now!


Ok then - moving on...Or do I go blond and glamorous with Mae?

Cunning as Cleopatra? I love telling men to kneel...


There are so many options out there. It's just so difficult to pick one of the choices. Should I be Gypsy Rose Lee, Annie Oakley, something more abstract,or perhaps my alter ego?

You help me please. Any suggestions, votes, whatever - Make a comment!

Elekt Me: I Can Wears Lipstchtiks

Jim Behrle's kartoon kats

the lovers...the dreamers...and me...

Every obstacle we come across in life is here to teach us something about ourselves. We have these obstacles, because there is some part of us that we haven't opened up to yet.

They are here for our path of self realization...

I guess the difficulty, the struggle, lies not within the obstacles themselves, per se, but within that realization.



I have always had lofty dreams and aspirations for myself. It has only been recently that I have attempted to back up those dreams with actual attainable steps however. Everything that I have ever achieved beforehand was accomplished without an actual plan. Just as I have come to realize that love doesn't come from chance or luck, I realized that realizing oneself doesn't really either.

That's a whole bunch of "realizing's..."

If ever you were to look back and say "5 years from now I will be..." does it ever match up? I mean, five years ago I think I expected to be on the cover of American Theater, and that's about all. But today, well, I am 27. I am 27 and I have about 40$ in a savings account which seems slightly ridiculous in comparison to my married friends who have just bought homes, or to, well the reality of what is going to be happening with our economy.

Last night I met up with an old friend who I haven't seen for years, and it was pretty surprising for her to hear me speak about what I want and am working towards. A year ago even, you would probably have heard me making fun of marriage and family...But, that's so different now. She was kind of shocked to hear me talk about the things that I see now having so much meaning. Because, in whatever way we define it, we all desire for meaning - true and authentic meaning in our lives...I want every day to be filled with it. Which, unfortunately, this day has not had much of. But I have a long history of beating myself up so I won't do that anymore. Things are what they are...

Maybe I am not prepared to be without a job, but with about 70% of the population living off of their debt, am I the only one? No. I have this awareness now, of really trying to learn from everyone and from everything. I know the universe manifests "Yes's" all around - when you are open to it...

I am a lover.

I am a dreamer.

me-

I know it's not mother's day...

But this is pretty incredible.

c'est rien du tout. termine. fin du coup.

Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm sure you hear this all the time...

It's just. Well. Ok. I only have three dollars and I would just really like a drink...
There's....Well, there's this guy (Ha! Isn't there always some guy...)
and He's...Fuck man.

I only have this here three dollars and all I am asking of the World is that you could just pour me a drink...because, well, because the universe will manifest a return for you...

Why? Well, because it always does. The universe. Will manifest. When you are open to it.
That's what it does. That's how it works. Being open. and, well, there's this guy...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Yes. I know - I say it too much. And I apologize too much. It's been ingrained upon my gender.

but, you see --- it's different. I'm different!

Oh, and see! Here's another buck! Look, the Universe has already manifested! A tip for you!

but clearly, I am the one who needs a tip...

So, hey, why don't you give me some advice to ignore wisely / some of your wisdom to depart unto some un/suspecting victim / some special sauce advice?

Some of that...like, "hey maaaan, we are all God's...and we are all special (in the short bus, and hey, aren't they all these daze...) Because, you know's...I really appreciate it when you can cry in front of me's...."

But I am no Rizzo, and it's beyond crystal effervescent clear to everyone that I have no problem crying in front of you...

Much alone of anything else...

I know there are worse things I could do

yeah

because I have done/been/said/embodied them all...

and all the cheating, lying, pushing, fucking, haven't made anything all the better...
all the easier.

all the worse...?

but fuck!

Who wants anything that is easy?

for fuck's sake.

That's why I still want you.

So, what you say man?

pour me another my brother...

When God Hugs Us Closer

Didn't That Take Some Hubris???

Oh, what fun the next couple of weeks are going to be.

Don't blink bitches.

Gov Palin Knows Things Such As The Like As The Iraq As.
Informing the soldiers that they would "defend the innocent from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the death of thousands of Americans." Sounds pretty nice. I'm going to go ahead and ask for some clarification though. Who are these supposed "innocents"? Umm...the people we are invading? Sorry, but it sounds to me like the ones who are rejoicing the deaths of thousands are those with their "God's Plan" bullshit (from all extremes I guess.) There seems to be currently nothing sicker that I can think of than politicians (or people in general) validating their unethical and amoral choices by somehow linking it to God's mission plan.

Oh wait - There is something!

"I answered yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can't blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we're on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can't blink,"

My vagina knows more about the Bush Doctrine than Palin does. And my vagina isn't running for VP

From one of my fave new blogs, here is a little lesson in the whole, "IHaveForeignPolicyExperienceEvenThoughI HaveNeverEvenMetAForeignHeadOfStateAndIOnlyLeftTheCuntryLikeOnce
ButHeyLookieHere-ICanSeeRussiaKindaSworda!"


I like that her husbands secret service name is Drill'er.
Cough. Cough. Ahem...

Thanks to Team America - I can't listen to him anymore without hearing I'm Matt Damon! in the back of my head...

or, at least, when this isn't already in the back of my head...

The Gov. has a Vlog!!!


Good thing too - since her running partner doesn't know how to use a computer...

You'd think he would have to have learned by now - Hello, Paper Trail! Shredders are soooooo Watergate!

That's it folks! Have an excellent weekend - Go shoot a cuddly polar bear. And then show the fucker who's the boss and don't even eat it!

this is just disgusting...

If the Republicans take over the White House come November, Baby Jesus will no longer sing sweet songs, and I will make Aliyah to Israel. I'm not joking.

But really, SM, how! dare! you!!!!

i'm packin' all the flavo you need...

and this one goes out to mrs. ex slut machine...

hell has frozen over...

when i am not so exhausted i will have so much to say about this...

Bella Does Vegas

McCain/Palin: A Bridge To Nowhere 2008

the shortest trip to vegas ever

I don't know if I have ever mentioned it here, but if you didn't know - I am from Las Vegas. Yes I was born there, and no my mother is not an exotic dancer. Moving on...

It's 3:30 am and I just got in. I was so tired on the drive but now I guess I am feeling a little wired. I came here to trade cars and titles with my sister, basically a long story of how my insurance company really fucked me over.

So, my lovely little Focus will on longer be mine when I leave here. But along with it, comes the fact that for the past couple of weeks, I have had a Devotchka cd stuck in the limbo world of car cd players. This left me with no choice but the radio during the drive which I had to listen to in order to even keep my eyes open. (I was up at like 6am today and running around between a city hearing, auditions, work, and a workshop - I was freaking exhausted!)

The highway stations are always a pretty horrible mix of country, an occasional snoop dogg, and excessive Christian inspirational rock, or whatever they call that shit. Sometimes you get a nice/ Christian-Country Inspirational Combo...



But then, a total gem came along...




I totally haven't heard that shit since, well, since THE 90'S!

Anyways, I finally get in and I open the front door to my folks house. They set up some nightlight on the floor and in front of it they put this huge fake cockroach, it's like the size of my dog, who btw, was scared of it. The lighting made it have this looming shadow across the room and I thought I was hallucinating for a second. My mother tells everyone that I have ever brought to their home this "dancing cockroach" story that my mom finds incredibly hilarious. She cries when she tells it. My mom has played practical jokes on me since I was a baby. At least I think I can attribute my sense of humor to her.

I walked into the kitchen to grab some water, and this is where I almost screamed. This massive scary evil looking rat (big, and plastic and fake once I turned the lights up) was sitting in the doorway. Thanks mom and dad. I know you must me laughing in your sleep right now.

I took some shitty photos of these on my camera phone and will post later. I should probably try to sleep now considering I have to drive back in, well, just a number of hours...

I have the biggest crush on Ira...

I made a decision recently that the only people I will date from now on are vegetarians. Every single day more people are opening up to the truth...

a hard rain's a-gonna fall

Last night I was walking down east Sunset with a friend of mine headed to a bar. As we were crossing onto a new block, all of a sudden I jumped back and gasped. My physical reaction happened even before any recognition as to why - in my peripheral vision to the right of me was this dead dog. Lying on its side, about the size of my pup. It looked as though its eyes has just shut a moment earlier. Flies buzzed around its open mouth. It was just there, open and exposed, the beginning stages of when a body starts to rotten...

It's not so often the average person in America is around death in such an exposed setting.
Why the images of New Orleans finally woke up a dazed and drugged up populace into screaming "Why?" and "How can we just let this happen here!!!" into the night's air. Why it's so important to the Bush administration that all photography of the death and destruction caused by our invasion of Iraq is censored. Let alone dealing with the raw photos of men missing limbs, we are not even allowed to photograph the coffins that come back home. It was exactly these same images which woke up a country into demanding that we leave Vietnam...

Death has a smell a texture and life of its own in some way. You can taste it at the back of your throat. You can hear it in an echo...

This dead dog stayed burned in the back of my mind last night, through the wine, through the conversations, through the laughter and through the dancing. This dog. I know we have something to learn from everything, and the universe has all these openings and examples of lessons to be learned continuously. All morning I keep coming back to this little puppy.

We have these bodies, that are only here now. At this moment. None of us are promised anything, not a damn thing from tomorrow. All that we have is now. All we have is this moment. So what are we doing with it? If today is your last day, what do you want it to be about? I want to have loved so fiercely and to know deep down because it is true, that I was loved just as intensely in return. By the universe. If all I have is today, how can I live saying "Yes!" to the universe. What does this love look like? It's knowing the value and goodness within everything and everyone - From being able to love the abandoned puppy searching the streets for safety and food, its being able to fogive those who have hurt you the most, its being able to see the good in someone you would normally have offed with a snide douchebag comment, its treating everyone with a respect. Fuck, its being able to see the love in McCain, to seeing the love in Bush even. Gratitude is a cycle and when you are at peace with yourself you are at peace with the world.

Fucked up things happen, wars, violence, rape, the list could go one forever. But its in how we choose to see the world, where our awareness lies, that we can tap into our true power. That power is in love. That's where we need to see things from - the rights and the wrongs, the clarity to make the choices that need to be made to make this world a better place. We need to come from love to do good, to be good.

We should be giving our love every moment, every truly precious second that we are alive.


What if, for just one day, we could not complain. If for just one day, we could not put ourselves or anyone else down, if we could cease from gossip, if we could stop criticizing, if we could end all our judging. If we could just love. If we could do that for just one day, what would that life look like?

And then...what if we did it for two?

At the end of the night walking back to my car, someone had put a white tshirt over the puppy.

Gustav is racing towards the Gulf Coast. I pray that the people and the animals are all safe...