one glass of wine and a xanax

I have just barely packed. I try to stay focused on getting ready for my flight, but I cannot concentrate. A close family friend died today. Late this afternoon. I can't remember a time where she was not in my life.  I feel completely numb - in some surreal world. I will be gone for the memorial service. I will miss out on the communal celebration and mourning of her life. I can't seem to even take any of it in. 

My mother cries on the phone - I wish I could be there to hold her hand, to tell stories, to share a bottle of wine...

I am completely numb.