I don't know what to do

You know, I never grew up imagining my wedding.

I never pictured what type of dress I would wear, what vows I would say, what vows he would say...I never saw myself watching a man I love break the glass, and I never pictured myself in the bridal chair being held high in the air above all my friends and family.

I never saw myself as having kids, and visions of me teaching them, playing with them, having a family of my own.

One day recently I was talking to my friend Phil who said, "Yah, you don't see yourself getting married until, you know, the one..."

I thought I had found my beshert, my destiny. In the most random of all men to come across. I gave my love, the best, and the worst of me.

How does "I love you" translate two days later into "I don't think this is beshert."

How does "We would have really cute kids" turn into "Our personalities just don't match."

What am I supposed to do/say/make of this?

I never saw a future with a man until I fell in love with Ben.

And now he is done. He says he doesn't want to work on it.

How can I tell him nothing worth it is so easy all of the time.

How can a man ask you to commit to him, tell you he loves you, and then just out of the blue decide he is done?

From a week ago talking about moving in together, or away together....

Last night he went out with a friend of his. God knows what they did. I didn't hear from him all night, not even a goodnight text.

Not normal for him.

This morning I wake up feeling strange. I didn't hear from him all day - I still haven't eaten. He suddenly stops over at 5. I open the door; he backs away so as to not kiss me.

He comes into my studio, sits down, and I know what is coming out of his mouth. I want to stop it, to cover him in kisses and love...But he says "This just isn't working," and I am about to faint.

I am about to vomit on my floor.

I am about to let loose a dam of tears but I wait until 5 minutes later when I tell him to leave.

He is on his way to a concert on the westside right now.

I am heartbroken, I feel like I have lost the love of my life.

He doesn't think I am the love of his life though. And so he goes to a concert.

Where did the love go? What does he think, that love takes no work? Did he want to cheat on me? Or was it just that - I see myself wanting to be with him forever, and he sees someone else....

Please god help me...

I don't know what to do.....