one sunburned arm and a glass half full

I had an appointment yesterday to check in on the state of my thyroid with my doctor. He was explaining how I have antibodies that are attacking my thyroid, so to speak, when he suddenly stops, looks at me, and asks, "Are you religous?" I answer, "Well, I am spiritual." "Good, because you cannot look at this situation like 'Why Me?' You have to recognize that there is a reason here, a fate about this. This is happening to you so...Once you start to see things from this perspective, you will see you have something to learn and it is then you will begin to heal."

How timely. This can be applied to a number of things.

I went to see Arun this week, and he gave me this chanting mantra, "Om Shom Shokavinashibhyam Namaha." Translated this means, "I pray to you, to transfer my sadness into strength." This is the chant for sadness, and coincidentally, this is also the chant for healing hypothyroidism. I asked Arun what is the connection between the thyroid, sadness, and this chant. He of course asked me, "Well, would you like me to tell you or would you like to find out for yourself?" With that, I know I must find out on my own...

I start to think about it, so I frame it like this: If cancer is an emotional disease, then is hypothyroidism an emotional disease as well? What comes first, the chicken or the egg?
Am I sad because of a dysfunctional thyroid, or was it sadness that initially brought about the antibodies to begin to attack my thyroid? And if indeed it is an emotional disease, does this say something about why the majority of people who suffer from this are women?

Now I am beginning to reframe this entire experience.

I drove back to Los Angeles this morning. The windows down, wind flying through my hair. My dog by my side, the music blasting hendrix, to joplin, to some tone-loc. I am driving and I am going fast. I finally found my CA license it's in my wallet now. I have my hand out the window, the highway rolls out ahead of me, and I am so fucking happy, so full of joy, I have got this huge silly grin on my face.

I am coming back home.

And I finally feel free.


Have a great weekend everyone! I will be off the damn computer till next week!
xoxo
-holly